Kindle the Lights
by SageK
Summary: Puck is pissed. How many times does he have to announce that he's a Jew to everyone before they remember the fact. Hell no he does not want to sing Christmas songs, he may be a Jew for Jesus but he's drawing the line


Over the course of his 17 years on Earth, Noah Puckerman had learned that there were certain constant truths of the universe.

Truth: Mom had a built in lie detector. Really, it was kinda freaky.

Truth: When you can't remember the previous night, you either had an awesome time or the cops were involved. These two conditions are not mutually exclusive.

Truth: Cougars could be freaky. Noah was most definitely not a prude but, geesh. No strings attached sex was awesome, but after a while he did start feeling like a bit of a man-ho. And not in a good way.

Truth: No one believes the Crazy Cat Lady. Mostly because she smells like cats and talks to them like people but some assholes from the school were breaking into her house.

Truth: When off school grounds, and away from witnesses, he could still strike the fear of Puck into said assholes with some inventive threats and a baseball bat.

Truth: Fire was cool.

Truth: When you wake up wearing different pants than you left the house in, there are questions that must be answered.

Truth: A toaster full of Skittles will piss mom off.

Truth: Wake up once in a tree in Kentucky, naked, save for a Burger King crown and you learn acid is a bad thing.

Truth: Mom's latkes make everything better.

Truth: Do not try to pick a fight with a tween over her stand on the Edward/Jacob issue. It might seem like a funny idea, but damn, his little sister could be vicious and violent.

Truth: Don't get drunk and drive into a 711. Only bad things can come of this.

Truth: Dudes in juvie were freakin' nuts.

Truth: Brit was the only person alive who could ring his doorbell at 3am, wearing a gorilla suit and carrying a bucket of pineapple, and have his mom simply usher her in with a sigh.

Truth: Saul Puckerman was a shithead.

Truth: Nana could swear in 6 languages. Nana was awesome.

Truth: Up close, strippers were a lot less sexy than they looked on stage.

Truth: If you had fireworks, an armadillo and a bucket of Wild Turkey, you could make your own fun when the cable was out.

Truth: He'd never picked on Kurt for being gay. He tossed him into dumpsters cuz he was just weird. But once he actually got to know the kid, he realized it was an okay sort of weird.

Truth: Combining a skateboard and a desire to prove something was never a good idea.

Truth: You can cut yourself on Jell-O. Don't ask.

Truth: When you are assigned locker number 666 on the first day of high school, you should take this a bad sign.

Truth: Coating the inside of someone's locker with the contents of a can of aerosol cheeses can be nearly as cathartic as physical violence.

Truth: It is remarkably hard to remove peacock feathers that have been super-glued to one's body.

Truth: Passing out drunk in the back seat of a car that is subsequently towed = really bad hangover.

Truth: A shower curtain tied to a backpack will not function as a parachute.

Truth: No matter how drunk you are, you can not run through a crowded house fast enough for no one to notice you're naked.

Truth: The inside of a mascot costume will always smell like old puke and feet.

Truth: Waking up with spatula bruises on your ass and not knowing where they came from is a clear indication that one should cut down on one's booze intake.

Truth: In high school, it is far more socially acceptable to be thought of as a dumb thug than as smart. Which was why Noah worked hard to cultivate his badass image.

Truth: Math was laughably easy. At McKinley, as long as you passed the tests, teachers rarely cared if you bothered to show up at class.

Truth: When you look at your life and think that it reminds you of a country song…you need to re-evaluate your life.

Truth: In a fight between Godzilla and Oprah, Oprah would win.

Truth: Never do shit you don't want to explain to a paramedic.

Truth: At a keg party in the woods, it is always a good idea to wear a glowstick around your neck so people can find you when you stumble off and get lost.

Truth: The cops rarely differentiate between 'lost and drunk' and 'attempting to flee and elude'. You'd think they'd realize you weren't trying too hard to hide as you waved up at them from a puddle of puke.

Truth: Being in Boy Scouts was the epitome of dorky, but you could learn some neat tricks that you can apply later in ways your scoutmaster never imagined.

Truth: Morning after Clue is never fun. What did I do, where did I do it and who did I do it too?

Truth: There is a difference between hot crazy and crazy crazy. Hot crazy is intense. Crazy crazy sets off the fire alarms while you're tied to a bed.

Truth: Swords and Vodka and fight club should never be mixed.

Truth: Denny's at 3am can be a terrifying place.

Truth: If your hand sticks to a table at a bar you probably don't want to eat any of the food served there.

Truth: If your buddy passes out, it is perfectly reasonable to duct tape him to the floor.

Truth: Always keep Sandy Ryerson at an arms length and in sight when in the same room as the man.

Truth: When you start seeing unicorns, you stop drinking whatever Britt is pouring into your glass.

Truth: No vomit is nastier than that which consists solely of tequila and tacos.

Truth: Steroids, while possessing awesome bulking properties, had some nasty side effects. Fortunately, he hadn't experienced any, as Rachel had given him a truly terrifying lecture on the subject. Where she found the pictures of said nasty side effects, he did not want to know.

Truth: Sleeping with your best friend's girl is a bad, bad idea.

Truth: Making out with your best friend's girl (even if the status of their relationship is uncertain) is a bad, bad idea.

Truth: Everyone else might think Rachel is crazy or just plain not like her, but Puck actually did like her.

Truth: Finn Hudson, who had been his best friend since kindergarten, could be a total douche. An asshat of epic proportions. But Noah was self aware enough to know he himself could be an asshole, so that was just life.

Truth: When a teacher announced anything having to do with December holidays, they meant the Christian ones. Thus, Holiday Concert = Christmas Concert.

Yeah…No. That shit might have flown when Noah was a kid who wanted to establish himself as cool (which meant not seeming too different from the pack), but now, on December 1st 2010, he was secure enough to bother to be offended.

After Mr. Shue's announcement, he expected Rachel to be up in arms, protesting the narrow scope of the proposed concert. After all, she was Noah's fellow hot Jew and never had a problem voicing her many, many complaints/concerns/suggestions/demands before.

As the mass of gentiles around them babbled away about song selections, Noah glanced over at the oddly quiet Rachel. She was still sitting in her chair, a forced smile on her face. Her hands were folded in her lap and, as Finn tossed her a glare, the knuckles whitened as her fingers clenched.

She was taking her break up with Finn really hard, worse even than when St. Dickhead had broken her heart and smashed eggs on her head. Noah still wanted a chance to punch that fuckwit in the throat. The sadness she was feeling seemed to have sucked the, at times, overpowering life out of Rachel.

It was wrong somehow. Sure, she was crazy, but it was the kind of crazy that grew on you…aside from her detours into complete self absorption. At the moment, he'd even take 'Me-Me-Me-Crazypants-Diva' over this current, subdued shell of Rachel.

And where the hell did Finn get off making her out to be the bad guy in this situation? Okay, so they made out, but Finn had slept with Santana and lied about it to her for months. That wasn't cool. You needed to know about your partners sexual history and lying about your own was not cool. That was just good sense.

Looking at her downcast eyes, Noah sighed. Shit. Standing up for their people was going to fall on him.

"Mr. Shue," he said before he could think of a reason not to. "I'm going to take a pass on this."

The teacher looked over at him, turning from where he'd been writing song titles on the board. "What?" he asked quizzically. "Puck, why?"

Really? Sometimes Noah wondered if Coach Sylvester added lead chips to the communal coffee pot in the teachers lounge. Either that or Mr. Shue had an extra helping of Stupid-O's this morning.

"Look at the songs," he said, pointing to she song selections scrawled on the board.

_All I Want For Christmas_

_Silver Bells_

_Last Christmas_

_Grown Up Christmas List_

_Christmas Baby, Please Come Home_

_Silent Night_

_Santa Baby_

_Run Run Rudolph_

_We Need A Little Christmas_

_Deck the Halls_

_God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen_

_Jingle Bells_

_O Holy Night_

Shue and the rest of the Glee club looked at the board, clearly not seeing Noah's issue. In her chair beside him, Rachel straightened a little but still didn't shake off her Finn induced melancholy.

Fuck. When did he start using words like melancholy, even if it was only in his head?

"Is it because you don't have Santa 'cause you're Jewish?" Amazingly, Brittany was the first one to get the hint, even if her reasoning wasn't quite the same as his. But it was Britt, so he had to give her props for coming close.

Noah nodded at the bubbly blond then addressed the group as a whole. "How many times do I have to announce that I'm a Jew before anyone remember that fact? Hell no, I don't want to sing Christmas songs and Rachel probably doesn't either, especially not today!"

At least Mr. Shue had the sense to look a bit abashed by the oversight, as did a few of the other club members. Giving him a confused look, Mercedes said, "Okay, I get why you wouldn't be down with the carols, but why is today any different than any other."

That caused Noah and Rachel to exchange looks and sighs. Progress.

"Hanukah begins at sundown," he informed the room and Rachel nodded.

The silence that followed was not entirely unexpected. While popular media made it impossible not to know all about Christian/Christmas traditions, Hanukah tended to remain outside the knowledge base of most gentiles.

"I'm really not sure what Hanukah is." Of course, Britt was once again the one to admit to not knowing something that everyone else was too proud to, but once her statement was out there, several other people nodded.

"I know that song Adam Sandler does," Sam piped up, sounding a bit sheepish. Finn, Artie and Mike all nodded, indicating they too were aware of that particular…song.

"Do you actually want to know?" he asked. No way was he going to take the time to explain things if they were just being polite or feeling guilty about being particularly ethnocentric.

Pulling over his chair, Mr. Shue sat down and said, "Actually, maybe this can be a bit of a learning experience. Broaden everyone's horizons."

Puck shrugged and saw that Rachel was at least showing some signs of life by nodding. Maybe if he prompted her, she'd join in.

"Okay, Hanukah is an eight-day holiday marking the rededication of the Temple in Jerusalem after its desecration by the forces of the King of Syria Antiochus IV Epiphanes and commemorates the "miracle of the container of oil". According to the Talmud, at the re-dedication following the victory of the Maccabees over the Seleucid Empire, there was only enough consecrated olive oil to fuel the eternal flame in the Temple for one day. Miraculously, the oil burned for eight days, which was the length of time it took to press, prepare and consecrate fresh olive oil," he said, noting that some of his friends were clearly unfamiliar with some of the words he'd just used.

"The festival is observed by the kindling of the lights of a unique candelabrum, the nine-branched Menorah or Hanukiah, one additional light on each night of the holiday, progressing to eight on the final night. The typical Menorah consists of 9 branches. An extra light called a shamash is also lit each night for the purpose of lighting the others, and is given a distinct location, usually above or below the rest. The shamash symbolically supplies light that may be used," Rachel added, warming up on the subject. "Hanukah is also called The Festival of Lights. A small present is given each night."

Success! She was talking again, even using her lecturing tone. "We light the candles at sundown and let them burn for at least a half an hour. "There are blessings to say as the candles are lit, a blessing to say after meals and lots of fried foods," Puck added with a grin. His mom made awesome latkes, jam doughnuts and bimuelos.

That made him remember…fishing around in his pocket, he held out a small, gold foil wrapped circle of chocolate to Rachel. It was a bit early, but chocolate was always good.

"Gelt!" she said, accepting the candy with a smile.

Most of the club seemed to have listened and absorbed the information and Quinn asked, "So…are there Hanukah carols or something that you two want to sing?"

"_Sivivon, sov, sov, sov_," Rachel suggested and Puck smiled, happy to see the bright gleam of performance anticipation in her eyes.

"Or _Light One Candle_," he replied and Rachel hopped up, adding their songs to the board.

Looked like this Holiday Concert was going to be a little more inclusive than most!


End file.
